Notes from the Wild

All went very well on boy t's weeklong visit to TSPD's better home, garden, and dungeon. Here are a few snapshots from along the path:

1. I ate like a queen, thanks to the boy's excellent cooking, which he did at home and transported down for fast finishes. First night was crab cakes finished off with a heavy brown on the stove, and quinoa. Second night was cherry pomegranate braised spare ribs that he finished on the stove, with a sauced mix of vegetables and quinoa on the side. The boy packed lunch for Me each day, which was a most unusual experience and I really liked it. I also had him text Me to remind Me before I left the house to check the fridge, so the lunch actually made it to work.  So good and so much healthier than My norm, so many more veggies,  It was a bit of shock for the tummy to adjust, but in a good way, and very useful to have the contrasting reference point.

2. We hit a little trauma bubble from the boy's past, triggered when I made him sit still so I could slip a Qtip in his ear. The energy shift was immediate and very noticeable, so we had a good hour of processing, and now I know some additional important things about his past. he feared knowing these things would make Me like and want him less; it was challenging to grasp the fact he's wrong about that.

3. I had a nice body massage more than one night after the yummy dinner. While he was deeply massaging My ass (cuz who doesn't love a good butt rub?) I sensed his energy shift and for once, he hesitated to tell Me what was running through his mind. When the truth came out, it was that his top/sadistic vein had come to the surface when he realized he could hurt Me with this deep massage. he got confused and locked up for a minute. I invoked the transparency rule, he told Me what was in his mind, and he came away understanding he isn't required to suppress such thoughts, he's just not allowed to act on them, at least with Me.

4. Getting him to the office was initially a bit of a challenge but Uber pool in the morning worked great, the first few nights he met Me at the office to ride home. Later in the week, he ubered home and got a jump on dinner before I arrived.  I feel bad for the uber drivers, but it was great for Me.

5. I told him to think of activities as a "toggle", i.e., identify a resting state, and make sure that when he alters that state, he returns it to the resting mode. A door opened must be closed. A light turned on must be shut off. A garment dropped must be picked up and put away, etc. Having never parented in any way, or even had a housepet like a dog to train, this part of the training is proving a challenge for Me. We have also noticed that he tends to process commands on a FIFO basis, and that doesn't always mesh with what's happening big picture, so I am now flagging a command when it is "critical path," so he has a clearer sense how to prioritize. Yes, we are project management nerds.

6. The boy needs to leave for work before I do, so he is presenting to have the collar removed while I am still in bed, and of course he can't make the bed while I'm in it. This meant the collar was still in the unmade bed when we returned from work the first night. he has standing orders to make the bed any time it is unmade, as a first order of business, so this turned into a game of Me hiding the collar somewhere in/on/under/around the bed. Once found, he knelt to receive it. It proved to be a fun little thing for us.

7. The only slight negative was that I normally lead a fairly solitary home life, and after a week of 24/7, I was feeling the absence the alone time. I did send him out on Sunday to toil for about two hours in the yard, building Me shelves while I took a nap. So perhaps more soup-to-nuts projects is a partial solution. I also recognize the need to resist micromanaging. The boy astutely observed that by time we get home, he has had a hour to decompress but I don't begin until the rush hour drive is done. he can't read read the nuance of hangry vs office grumps, but by the time I get out of the car they are pretty intertwined.  That tends to be the prime point at which I most need solitude, and I figured that out pretty quickly.  I have *heard* married friends talk about this thing, of coming in the front door, and being confronted with a partner who wants to chat when all they want to do is be silent. Now I know what they are talking about, and I count Myself lucky to have heard others figure it out before Me, really speeds up the process.

8. We took a big plunge after careful prior discussion, and opened the theoretical poly door into reality. I had him quantify the risk of a flip out, and he gauged it a low risk of moderately intense flip. We both agreed that this is an important facet of the relationship and there is value in beginning as we mean to go on.  So when a play date became possible on 24 hours notice, with a playdate I like very much but seldom see,  I sent the boy to the laudromat and I played. And all was happy and compersiony until about 24 hours later. At that point a collision happened between what the boy wants to believe he’s OK with in terms of orgasm denial vs. what he actually is currently OK with. So more processing happened and it was indeed moderately bumpy for both of us for a bit, but we got it worked out, all systems go again. And it was a good learning experience for us both.

Oooop! Dinner is already served.