Having a Party

I had a lovely time hanging out with My subby girlfriend j last night at her birthday party. Her friends held a cookout in the wooded area next to her apartment, then we adjourned to the complex's pool which just happened to be holding a big event open to all, then back to the apt for the evening.

It was great to meet her circle and in the process, one of them put his subby tendencies on display for Me to notice. Soon he was addressing Me properly and discretely fetching for Me. My neck was bothering Me a little in the evening so I sat with a nice heat pack on it while we were all in the living room and we discretely petted and flirted a little bit. Seems he is a sweet man and I rewarded him with contact info and a chaste kiss on the lips as we parted.

Today I woke up in multiple different kinds of pain. I guess thrashing around in the pool activated the chronic back condition and last night's neck discomfort was just the popcorn ad for today's main feature. (Oooo, popcorn! Nah, too much trouble.) Wow, it just wouldn't let up, all day long. Now I've watched enough TV and been on the smartphone so much My eyes hurt too. I have been napping all day so I'm not really even sleepy. The prospect of sitting a desk tomorrow and ugh, going to the dentist at lunch is soooooo unattractive.  It could be a long night.

My current boy t is flying back from IT nerdvana in Vegas at this very moment. It did cross My mind earlier to summon the new boy from last night to give Me some much needed massage. I bet he would even have been happy to come, since at one point he floated the idea of coming  over after the party last night, but...

...this is a bit of a rub for Me as a Dominant. Being in pain, feeling weak and vulnerable (which tends to travel with a certain amount of cranky) is when I most need service. But it's also when I most need to trust the other person. And it's when I'm least robust to manage a boy's hopes/ expectations, etc. It's when I'm most likely to agree to something I don't really want to do and I later wish I hadn't. When I'm in enough pain, it gets hard to hear My own thoughts through the static of the pain. When it's bad enough, I need the boy to know how to take care of Me without much direction, to help the headache and fuzzy thinking turn the corner. And I don't enjoy that process, much as on one level I want it; I don't like needing it that much. Putting that level of My own inner conflict into a new dynamic is potentially not great for moving forward successfully. So I'd rather be in pain than risk short circuiting a successful prospective dynamic.  It's silly on one level, I suppose, but wise on another. Or at least that's what I like to tell Myself.

*groans miserably*

Time for the nuke-able heating pad, Tiger balm and more pain killer.  I swear I'm putting a mini microwave upstairs one of these days. The downstairs kitchen is much too far away right now.