Remotely, I want a good morning text and a good night text that affirms for Me that daily tasks were completed, with a photo as appropriate. I need a status update on all open tasks every 3 days. Beyond that, it will have to be organic and this week will be a lot of finding out what that means for both of us, what we need. I know already he wants more of certain kinds of invasive controls, which I will tolerate at low levels but fundamentally, these are not My kink, not at the moment, not enough to work at them long distance. The rubber is going to hit the road in those areas, and I suspect we will be re-reading parts of Raven Kaldera's Building The Team book.
But we will also have the pleasure of each other's company; he will have the joy of serving and I will have the joy of being served. We both have been through enough in kink to appreciate having our counterpart, being in the dynamic. Where it goes, what it wants to be beyond this is still terra incognita. That's ok. It's still early days.
I am working on a list of tasks and projects and implementation critical paths; a list to prompt Me about the fun things I want to do and try, with and to him; a list of the topics we need to discuss face to face; a list of the core themes I want to be sure I'm reinforcing across the big arc of all our interactions. We have a purple journal that he gifted Me. I will review the journal to see how it has grown with the additions an have commanded, and I will likely add new topic pages. We will settle on the format of how he will efficiently track tasks and give Me updates with minimal duplication in effort. It hasn't come up yet but I fear the phrase "One Note".
We will not ride a bike.
Yet.
I'm guessing the big challenge will be shifting head space. The boy had a crazy, crazy week and I felt him slipping into a more distant orbit. It can happen to Me too. This is the hard work of M/s, continually pulling ourselves back to where we want to be, creating the tools for that to happen, dealing with the slings and arrows of life. Especially when hungry and tired. And making time to blog, while still sleeping and self-caring and hey, I might need to be respectfully reminded to have some fun too.
This week, we take another very big step toward finding out how much of this is real, and where we are stuck in fantasy. I think we are in good shape. I marvel often at how well this entire dynamic is working. I fully expected camp together would be a hot mess (as prior attempts with others have been) and instead it was delightful, exactly as I would have hoped, had I dared to verbalize it. So I have to consider that this is more about My fears than about t's actual limitations. Projection is real. But I also know most people - Me included - engage in a fair amount of self-deception, and those are the hard cases.
At the end of the day though, I like boy t, there's just no getting around the fact of it. I enjoy his presence, his energy. When he is here, I grow because I have not had an /s in My home for any length of time who could keep up with Me, who needed Me to be the Master like he does. Who relies on Me as Master. I'm finding out who I am. I'm confronting the gap between who I like to think I am as a Master (patient! organized! wise! big picture!) and who I actually am in front of My /s (nap-ish, hangry, perfectionistic, testy). We are right at six months since we met, the masks are starting to come off, it's starting to get real. It's exciting. It's very good.
And I fully intend to enjoy it.
No comments:
Post a Comment