Books And Resources

BOOKS

Uniquely Rika.  Ms. Rika.  

I read this book about a year after coming out into the kink community.  It was the first one that really validated My approach to kink, and I have pointed many new Dommes toward it. Until I found this book, I felt that I was on some level assuming a person or playing at being a Domme. Uniquely Rika freed Me from the idea that I needed to do kink in a certain way. It gave Me permission to get comfortable believing that this is who I am, this is how I roll, if I don't fit your idea of a Domme, that's entirely unrelated to Me.

Ties That Bind. Guy Baldwin.  

Wish I had read this a looong time ago.  At the beginning, I just wasn't sure how much the Old Guard gay leather writers could offer Me as a straight female Dominant.  Now I realize they had it all figured out. Sure, there are things to fine tune due to gender difference, but on the core, fundamentally human issues, I laugh to realize I just reinvented the wheel.  It's fascinating to read now with  a good chunk of experience and see that I have landed in the same place on so many issues. Just kinda wished I could have used the short cut the book would have offered.  I particularly appreciated finding p.165 which describes how people can differ on "aftercare" and what it can feel like when that is lacking. And the chapter on Killer Bottoms which wow, also would have saved me a good bit of pain had I seen it earlier.

Leading and Supportive Love: The Truth About Dominant and Submissive Relationships. Chris Lyon.

This book came to my attention while rummaging around in the writings of sexgeek, and I found it to be the best book I've seen that talks about authority-exchange dynamics independent of kink. And it's largely free of the egregious writing errors in so many kink books. Much of what I have read, while valuable, speaks about sexy-kinky play activities as part and parcel of the authority-exchange dynamic.  This book separates the two and looks almost exclusively at the relationship side.  It even draws upon a survey of several hundred kinksters, making it the first book I've read that can point to anything like empirical data.  Admittedly, it's not a lot, but it's exciting to me, and I wondered if this book was someone's dissertation somewhere.  I felt, as did sexgeek, that I could see myself in this book.  It speaks about aspects of me that I forget to tell people and it calls out traits of /s types which are so important to me that for some time I didn't even realize I needed to name them.  The list of traits which characterize L/ and /s types is quite valuable for crystallizing a conversation and points the way toward resolving many of the most common conflicts that crop up.  When I finished, I felt on one level that the book told me nothing I didn't already know.  But I would have to read it several more times to be able to articulate that which as know more effectively.  Strongly recommended as a tool for discussion.  

BLOGS

exquisitedungeon.blogspot.com

undercontracttomywife.blogspot.com

LINKS
http://ebar.com/bartab/article.php?sec=leather&article=285   Kink Is About Connection.  The Bay Area Reporter. By Race Bannon.  Aug. 21, 2014.

http://www.leatherati.com/2014/05/the-handsomest-man-in-new-york  The Handsomest Man in New York.  Leatherati:  Leather People, Events and News.  By PatrickMulcahey. May 9, 2014.