Xanadu

Xanadu
In Xanadu did Kublah Khan a stately pleasure dome decree

Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Sounds of Autumn

We’ve been having a lovely few days here, gorgeous autumn color yet freshly springy weather. Last week I got a text from a poly, top-heavy bottom I don’t play with nearly enough.  Major, positive life events have kept him occupied since winter and I’ve missed him, both as playmate and fellow homeowner.  Our exchange went like this: 

Q:  Do you still want my urethral sounding cherry? 
A:  HELL, YES!!

And thus it was he laid naked on My massage table last night as I slid surgical stainless steel up and down his peepee hole, and he focused a lot on breathing.   We even had a little silly fun attaching a post-it to the top of an inserted sound a la the Iwo Jima Memorial.  A little Pakistani lamb kebob for dinner, a little medical play, a little cuddling, an assisted cum for Me and none for him, and some nice mutual sniffing.  It all made for a great evening and just too bad he can’t stay over and benefit from My morning-after post-play horniness.

Technical takeaway for other kinksters:  it’s really tricky to take photo on an iphone while you are wearing nitrile gloves and balancing a 12” sound in a slippery, soft cock.  You have to press the iphone button really hard.

Medical play is so unlike other kink play for Me.  I get a little wet, sure, but it doesn’t feel particularly sexy, despite playing with a penis for an hour.  It’s a very focused, clear feeling of attention… My attention to him, and his attention on what I’m doing to him.  Definitely what Diane Ackerman calls “deep play”.  I had no sense of time at all, except for the pain that eventually developed from leaning over him at a static, awkward angle. 

It’s service topping and I’m focused on giving him a great first experience, both because I’m just like that and hey, it’s enlightened self interest to get him back in the door so I can do other nefarious things next time. Sadistic thoughts cross My mind but I’m not seriously tempted to implement them, as I normally would, though I do hugely enjoy speaking them so they can work in his mind, and he is a great conversation partner.  He always manages to completely crack Me up a few times in every scene and it’s invariably when I can’t possibly stop to write his words down for future giggling.  It must be a form of scene high, I can never remember the conversation afterward, which is rare.  Usually I remember pretty much everything said to Me.  I’ll have to take more photos in the future.

My favourite part of the scene was when the cock decided it was happy being invaded and got hard around the sound.  Then he began twitching his PC and whatever else he has voluntary control of down there.  The sound was already fully inserted when his cock began launching itself up along the metal and opening wide to deep throat it.  It was a strange cross between watching a baby bird being fed and a circus sword swallower.  And then, of course, when fully erect, it was a blast to withdraw the sound and feel the bulb going up, up, up, as I pushed it from the base by applying a bullet vibe to the under side of the shaft.  Like most cocks, he has a distinct curve when hard, so the straight rigidity of the sound messed with his perception of the sensations. Good times!  None of this was on an agenda anywhere, it just unfolded as I slowly expanded his comfort level and experimented with what worked.  That’s the magic of a good scene.

Once he got comfortable with the play, we started talking about ways to mix it up next time. Add bondage? No brainer.  Tickling would be great, but he’ll code on tickling for its own sake.  He picked up on the idea of making him convulse around the sounds and suggested electrical play, maybe some nice genital zapping.  I historically don’t enjoy giving electrical play but maybe there’s something to work with here.  Maybe a metal butt plug that can cause a slight current arc to the sound?  I'm not sure butt play and sterile sounds are going to coexist happily in a scene.

He really is a fun playmate. His anus knows Me as the Domme who once (consensually) slipped in a melting ice dildo, and Mr. Anus has a remarkably long-lived memory.  Since My friend’s neocortex hasn’t succeeded in reassuring Mr. Anus to open up to Me again, we are now wondering whether perhaps Mr. Urethral Sphincter might be able to convince his sphincter buddy down the road that it’s OK to trust Me with a room temperature dildo someday soon.

One can hope.

As we parted ways, he graciously thanked Me for taking his cherry, and observed that he doesn't have many left.  I said, "Find more. I'll take them too."

Friday, October 23, 2015

WinterFire's Gifts

DO WinterFire was very good for Me last February, as I met two good boys there.  One was a local musician (single and poly) dipping his toe into subbing, and though he is so heavily scheduled with gigs that he visits seldom, when he is present, he is the most heartfelt houseboy.  On his first visit, I started him off with dishes, scantily clad in black and wearing an apron.  When finished, he approached as directed, announced the task complete, and I inspected his work, finding with great pleasure that all the dishes were indeed properly washed and rinsed. This is no small matter, it amazes Me how many men cannot wash dishes without specific training.  When I returned to where he waited kneeling, and said I wanted him next to wash the kitchen floor, he smiled and exclaimed with evident delight, "Oh, wonderful!  I was HOPING You would say that!!".  It was such a breath of fresh air to feel a boy so relishing his service, rather than tolerating it in a transparent effort to get his agenda met.

The second boy is in a poly marriage.  We met through a third party by happenstance, clicked in the way that sometimes happens, and within a few weeks, we had taken up.  It has been a bumpy ride for reasons that relate to the inner workings of that marriage. It has been both tremendously challenging and very rewarding. In time I have come to consider him a pet rather than a submissive, but nonetheless, W/we engage on his pressing life issues. Current challenges, surfacing and processing old traumas that contribute to those challenges, so he can take today on its own terms, mindfully. Though we are not at a point where it makes sense to require a promise that he obey Me in all things, as a practical matter he does essentially obey, even if it is couched more as advice which he consistently chooses to follow.  We are in a fuzzy area but for reasons surpassing understanding, it works.

The takeaway for the blogosphere is this:  when a kinky couple decides to be poly, that's not the end of the conversation.  They need to really nail down the level of involvement they expect. In our case, the wife probably thought that when they agreed to be "poly" she consented to an occasional fuck buddy and play at parties, but not an actual parallel relationship... but hubby didn't realize that was a constraint and he gravitated to a "girlfriend" who turned out to be a Dominant who has expectations that sometimes conflict with wife's historically safe assumptions about hubby's constant availability to her.  So at each step, watch out for un-acknowledged power dynamics in your poly primary, folks.

As My friend Master Dylan observed, sometimes the Universe sends us not the relationship we want but what we actually need.  It's been very gratifying to feel I am providing sound leadership to My pet, guiding him to grow personally and in relationships and at work, watching him transition from late boyhood into actual adulthood.  It has also been very useful to go through that effort, and find it gives Me the ability to take stock, see how far I have come in My own growth, and appreciate who I have become. There's a way in which being his Dominant has consolidated Me as a Dominant.

I took pet to the Master slave Conference, and he made uniformly positive impressions on people whose opinions I trust.  He mastered personal anxieties about being at public events, he engaged, was sociable, and generally exhibited a new and markedly higher level of self-acceptance than he possessed six months earlier, and all this accomplished in a very difficult personal environment for him.  I just could not have been any prouder.  The marital issues are independent of Me in most ways and may very well continue, so I have no illusions that pet can become the primary relationship I ultimately want to find.  Thankfully, I think both pet and his partner have grasped that I'm not trying to break them up, and in fact, realize now that I would consider that a very bad outcome for everyone. It feels good knowing we have come through that particular set of Class IV rapids.

Nonetheless, I still have a boy in service on any given day far less than I would like.  Time is our most valuable commodity, and time is where all rubber hits every road.  I still want a boy whose time is maximally available to Me and so I found Myself returning to a particular kink portal, after swearing off it last spring. As I debated the wisdom of reversing course, I decided there was no reason to think the portal is different than before, but I could choose to be otherwise.  So I took down My former profile, and posted something of a manifesto.  It is a summation of what I believe and what I have wished the boys I met there already understood.  I did this fully expecting almost no one would trouble to read it, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to educate the few who are thirsty to understand what a real world Female Dominant would want.  There are times I do howl at the moon, and this was one of them. The gap between fantasy and reality is so huge for most boys, and while I haven't minded explaining these things one-on-one, it is the slow boat to China.

So imagine My surprise when My educational profile - put up with truly no intention of attracting anyone, and primarily the goal of scaring off the clueless hoardes - began producing better inquiries than ever before.  Not many, but few of high quality, which is precisely My goal. And as an added bonus, I have received a significant number of messages from boys saying that he recognizes he can't meet My requirements (geography, single, etc.) but he wanted to thank Me and wish Me well, because he learned a great deal of value. I'm particularly hearing this from married boys, who have always been the thorniest cases.  It's amazing how that Zen thing works, when you stop trying so hard to get where you want to go, and by letting go, you get there after all.  Indeed, sometimes the Universe gives us what we need.

And last night I had a funny little note of closure, as I have lately been feeling the absence of a primary and committed boy, pondering My un-coupled-ness, My mother came to visit.  And with no prior warning, she showed up with a bequest from My grandmother who died last fall.  It turns out that Grandma left me a little solitaire ring, very 1920s.  It was given by *her* grandmother to the eldest granddaughter, and now My grandma had carried on the tradition and planned for it to come to Me. We don't even know the first name of the great-great-grand involved, we will have to research it.  And I had absolutely no idea at all this ring or tradition even existed. So at a time when I am much feeling My singleness and the absence of prospects, I find Myself holding unexpectedly a ring given with love across five generations, a ring that looks very like an engagement ring.  It feels distinctly like encouragement.