In the Beginning

I've begun writing about My first boy, my first play partner actually -- ethan. He gave me many things I needed as a baby Domme, first among them that he was accepting and gentle with my inexperience, his enjoyment built my confidence, and he cared for me a great deal. I don't normally use a boy's name, much less his real name, when I write, but ethan has been gone eight years, and I firmly believe no harm can come to anyone from it. I think he'd like being written about and I think he'd like having his name used. It isn't much spoken any more in this circle.  Eight years is a long time.

It's hard to write about, though, because I was a very different person back then. I expect it would be jarring for readers to have those early-days flashbacks interspersed with posts about current day fun activities, so I have created a new topic Page in the right margin, down toward the bottom, called In The Beginning. Check it out. ----------------------------->

This first post tells the story of how I came into the public kink scene and the first time I ever played in the dungeon, which was also the first time I ever played with ethan. I can't write about My early experiences in isolation from him. Though I am writing about someone who is gone, this is not a sad story. It's tender and fond and warm. Gratitude has finally filled in the places where sadness sat. I've not felt moved before to write publicly about him, and suddenly it feels the time is right. The blog is writing itself in My head as I drive, as I wash dishes.  I've learned that when something wants to write itself, I should get busy transcribing.

It's funny how our brains keep track unconsciously of things like when someone we care about died, and somehow this year I'm feeling the story wants to be told.   If I don't tell it, it cannot be known and it's worth knowing.

If I learned anything from ethan, it's that life is too short to waste time being anything other than who you want to be.