The Physics of Quest

I'm pushing, I know that.  Fifty feels like a pivot year, I want to move as quickly as possible to find... whatever is supposed to come next, whatever this new Phase is meant to be.

"There exists in the universe something like The Physics of the Quest -- a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity or momentum.  And the rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this:  if you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared -- most of all -- to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself... then truth will not be withheld from you."

I happened upon this quote today and it feels like what I've undertaken, a truth-seeking journey, internal.  I definitely am treating events as clues and working hard to see the teacher in who I meet.  Am I ready to face and forgive the most difficult realities about myself?  I might be approaching that point, yes.

Something has happened recently, something... that I believe should not have happened.  And it has been handled in way it should not have been handled.  I am resisting the easy narrative, I am resisting the urge to call them categorically Wrong.  It's really tempting.  I realize I've been working to treat these as clues, as teachers.  But it's hard to find a better narrative, one which is emotionally true, fair, without excusing what should not be excused, one that opens a door to the next steps.  We shall see.