Greatest Hits

It's been just over a month since a metamour hit me.  Here’s what a wrote about a week after it happened.
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It was dark, at a party at their house, they were drinking, I don't know how much.  I said something to Unkey that I thought harmless.  We were standing shoulder to shoulder jammed up at the door, about to go out to skinny dip in the pool.  I was looking at him as I spoke, then WHAM!  His primary partner -- my metamour -- walloped me from behind on the blind side.  It felt like a full windup wallop on my right ass cheek.  I spun around and half yelled:

HEY!!  CONSENT!!  I don't let HIM hit me, I don't see why YOU should!

Everybody froze, then the room emptied as folks went to the pool.  I was shaken and a few minutes later, literally shaking, my ass still stinging, so Master told him we need needed a hug, and he gave one.  And they he was very nice to us the rest of the night, and he even cuddled me in the pool for a while.  Metamour was busy with other things it seemed.  She never even said she was sorry.

There’s been near silence about it despite my half dozen requests made through different channels. I have debated contacting her directly, but want to talk to him about it first.  Meanwhile...

Princess has gone away.

I am guessing she felt unsafe.  And I begin to suspect she is angry with him, and doesn't know how to be angry at all, much less at him.  Pissed off is more the General's territory.

The General is angry for sure, first it was just at the metamour but the longer this not-talking goes on, the more it's becoming about his silence.  It's become an equal issue.  Master feels like we have done everything there is to do.  We have been talking to friends and that helps some but... we need him and he is MIA.

It's not a one off.  The metamour about a month ago gave me a talking to, also with alcohol involved, which made clear there is a poly problem.  That lead to me concluding I shouldn't come around the house so much.  Then when I walked in for the party last week, she was verbally aggressive.  And then a few hours later, WHAM!  This is an escalating pattern of aggression.

I can say this much:  this relationship is certainly bringing up old issues for review.

There is one way of looking at my Dominance as being a way to ensure men don't hit me.  D/s involves one party agreeing to submit, so it reduces the likelihood of being hit in the first place, and the agreed-upon role gives me extra backup whenever there is any kind of a problem.  I could invoke the role in addition to my own personal consent, and that feels like insurance of a sort.  I have never had a concern a subby might hit me.

I can count on one hand how many times I have been hit as an adult:  this was #5.  (1) Maybe 6 years ago, the first time something like princess came out a little, her partner back then once swatted her ass hard as she leaned over a washing machine to reach up for something.  He got yelled at.  We have a back injury, you cannot hit us.  It's not cute, or endearing, or funny.  (2) Then another time that same guy did what was supposed to be a sensual bondage scene with us, and he single tailed our foot.  We said YELLOW, told him it hurt and it was not OK.  He did it again before he let us go.  Master got rid of him after THAT.

(3) Last year, at the start of princess and Unkey, she poked at him and he smacked her arm in retaliation, maybe harder than he realized. That made her feel weepy. She told him and he apologized and that's how he learned she cannot handle being hit. (4) Then this year at Fusion, he was drinking a little and we were hanging out on the porch of a cabin while it poured down rain.  I bent over to pick something up and he smacked my ass, much like the dude years ago.  What is it with men?  I know it was probably meant to be playful, but it doesn't change that I don't like being hit. I spun around, raised my voice a little and said something like "Don't hit me, you know better!" and Master faceslapped him with a backhand/forehard combination she uses to play with subbies, good technique, not hard, she made sure not to use a hand with rings on it, and only just enough contact to get his attention through the alcohol without hurting him, mostly a surprise, just enough to set the boundary, make the point. I felt really bad about it afterward, even though I was sober and in full control, and it seemed appropriate in the situation.  I've never responded like that before, it was a kind of progress to have responded with a fight response rather than just freeze. I felt fine about how it played out, he seemed unconcerned, so I gave it no more thought.

And then my metamour hit me. (5)

I already have been feeling emotionally unsafe and avoiding her, and their house.  Now I'm almost afraid to be in the same room with her; that's irrational but I have to respect it.  The aggression is escalating and it's a surprise every time.  The inability to predict makes it feel scarier, the randomness.

But what gets me is him. How can I let princess have a partner who does not protect her?  And this week, he has not seemed inclined to protect her from his partner, he's done nothing to suggest he has every spoken with the metamour about it.  Heck, for all I know, the metamour doesn't even remember it. That's a Big problem. Princess has run away and hidden for a week, I've told him this, and he isn't even trying to help look for her. 

MasterMe can make a little sense of why he might choose to ignore this, what he might be thinking, I do have some sense how the partners of people with anger and substance problems might think -- but princess can't understand.  She never did. 

I had hoped he and I would broach these deep issues slowly, gently, through consensual playfulness that allowed us to build trust gradually, softening the gritty edges of the issue.  His partner's non-consensual wallop threw us both in the deep end.  I don't know how we are going to recover.  I'm capable of forgiving. but it requires emotional work from both sides.  Understanding, apology, commitment not to do it again.  So far, it seems all I'm seeing is pretending it didn't happen, and perhaps hoping I will just drop it.  Not good.

My responses to these events are clues to other things that happened at a young age in moments I don't consciously remember.  Maybe if I can work on it there, I can find the right choices here.  I'm going away on a highly woowoo retreat soon, maybe these things can work together to break a logjam I have carried around a long time.  It might build on the energy work I did at camp, dredge the new energetic connections and make them deeper, stronger, more resilient.

Or maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing and it's time to confront this as a simple attachment choice and say: a partner that will not stand up for me is a partner I refuse to keep.