MsC Takeaway

Just back from the 2014 Master slave Conference.  If I had to point to only one thing I took away from the experience, that thing would be a point made by Patrick Mulcahey:  If Master-slave is not the easiest form of relationship you can envision with this person, seriously consider whether you should continue.

There are no direct quotes around that because I didn't catch it verbatim in My notes. But I think the point is excellent. This only works if we are not playing at a role.  There has to be an integrity. If M/s is natural, organic to your dynamic, then do it by all means. But if not, don't try to force the square peg.

He made a related point:  we want to be known deeply, completely, and to know another person at a similarly deep level. We want to be in a relationship where we can be fully ourselves.  For people who have been told throughout their lives that they are in some sense too much -- too smart, too bossy, too whatever -- this is profoundly important. I know what it is like to invisibly pare away the too-much parts of myself that a partner objected to, only to find well into the relationship that I no longer knew who I was.  I like Master-slave for many reasons, not least of all because the whole construct seems set up to prevent Me from repeating such nonsense again, in fact, demands that I be fully present, fully everything.