In Xanadu did Kublah Khan a stately pleasure dome decree

Monday, November 5, 2018

Warning Sign

It’s been wonderful spending time with the switchy dungeon guy, Dillan.  Recently he has brought up going to Naughty Noel together, maybe sharing a room at WinterFire. I said I wanted to do a kink glamour photo shoot for My impending big birthday, he said he’d like one of his presents to be a contribution to the cost. I was so, so incredibly touched at the way he jumped on the idea, how big he smiled. I asked if he’d be willing to be there, in the shoot with Me, to help evoke My dominant energy. He was enthusiastic and asked only that his face be covered. It was a beautiful, beautiful, wow moment about two weeks ago. 

We’ve ridden a giant ferris wheel, played puttputt, cooked together, gone to the dungeon, played and fucked and talked up a storm.  I cannot remember the last time I liked someone so much on so many levels all at once. It’s a light dynamic, just in the bedroom. It’s an open relationship, we see other people. Neither of us wants to parent. We talk Deep Thoughts and personal growth.  I’ve been very touched that after we see each other, he consistently texts the next day to say how much he enjoyed being together. He tells me he appreciates how supportive I’ve been as a partner during a bumpy period in his life. He tells me he looks forward to being together again. It’s all so good.

It occurred to Me last week that D and I have been together about three months, we are at about the same point now where I was with ethan when he died.   It occurred to me to mention that to D but I thought no, no reason to live in the past. Focus on today. Of course, life has begun to get a little bit in the way in the three months since we met, he had a little travel, we realized we keep different schedules, I had a crazy-crazy week at work. 55 hours, massive deadline.  I had only just achieved victory late Friday afternoon. I was exhausted and looking forward to our Sunday date. We had decided to spend the afternoon together but he suggested I join him at a kink-foodie Sunday brunch, hosted by a group I have been meaning to plug into. So many events we have in common, it’s great to have a partner in crime, I love having someone to share events with again.

I finally was able to pick up My phone at 6:15pm Friday at the end of the horrific week, and I was excited to share the news that victory was achieved and I found, "I am terminating our relationship."

Summarily dumped.

By text.

Yes, My delightful millennial decided that three months of many forms of intimacy, including fluid bonding, could be adequately terminated with a text. In it, he managed to not apologize. He didn't inquire whether our recent unprotected sex might have had unintended consequences. He helpfully explained that he hasn’t wanted to spend time with Me for a while now. He’s been pretending, showing up from a sense of obligation, hoping the feeling would pass but at the same time recognizing he is not the slightest bit invested in us and has zero interest in working out what he acknowledges are the minor bumps of being together.  That’s where he is.

I responded that I’m surprised to hear this, the kink community is small, and I would really like to have a conversation about this, so that I can try to understand and hopefully get to a place where I can feel a little better about it than I do. I really want to avoid it being terribly awkward every time we bump into each other in the dungeon and at the events in both our orbits.  I'd really like to avoid that.

It’s now been 3 days of silence now since I wrote that, and as the silence has been deepening, Princess has been getting angry.

Princess says: What. The. Fuck.  

You can imagine what the General says.

Apparently, liking someone more than I have in a long time travels hand in hand with stone cold fury. This is interesting. When I moved out at the end of living with My basically common law husband, I didn’t feel angry then. I do now. 

That must be growth.

At ethan's funeral, his mom explained to Me that  e’s doctor had recommended heart surgery -- urgently -- but he had not wanted it. he found another doctor who said he might not need the surgery for a decade, he could wait and see. he could wait for Warning Signs before having the surgery. His mom had had the same heart defect; she had had the surgery; with tears in her voice she told Me after the funeral what she had told ethan several years before it: 

With this kind of defect, sometimes you don’t get a warning sign. Sometimes your first warning sign is Dead.

The whole time I knew D he expressed in general terms that there were things in his life he wasn’t proud of. He wants to be a better person, he is working on it, I admired that about him. I honestly never thought he told Me anything particularly worrying, certainly not compared to what I have seen in others. I was impressed in our talks with his emotional honesty and self-reflection.  I believe that when someone tells you who they are, especially when it is not entirely positive, you are well advised to believe them. So I had watched his behavior for warning signs of a grave problem for quite a while, but I never saw any.  Everything I saw was a pleasant surprise, delightful even.

Then Friday at 6:15pm the first warning sign was Dead.

Princess says: Defective Dillan is Dead as a Dumb Doorknob, Dammit!!

She’s pretty upset. Levelled. Flattened actually. The steamroller hit her, backed up, went over her again. Princess never got her heart broke before and well, Master didn’t see it coming so Master never laid the groundwork. Princess was... very upset Friday.  The General had a lot to say at high volume, to EVERY body. We had to lean a lot on boy m and our BFF a thousand miles away. 

Fortunately, Master already had a first not-camp playdate on the books for Princess and her Unkey the next day, so Master told Unkey that Princess got her heart broke. It took Master some big doing to get Princess to Unkey’s house -- she was all OVER the place -- but once there, she settled down and in the end, she felt a lot better. Unkey was happy to see Princess and it helped her remember that just because *THAT BOY* doesn’t want her, it's not the same as NOBODY wants her. Unkey reminded Princess that OTHER people DO like her and DO want her and Princess REALLY needed to know that cuz she forgot for a little while.  By Sunday night, Princess still felt bruised but she was pretty sure she might live after all, and she realized it’s just that Dillan is a POOPYhead.

Looks like we’re gonna be OK.

Master has a new rule:  No more millennials. This club is Grownups Only.

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