Anticipation

I'm going to see My special boy this week, it's a rare treat, one for which I am grateful to his Madame. Like most rare treats, there are costs, there are risks, gratification is delayed, and I'll be hungry for it again soon after.  I just finished boxing up some toys I want at hand, several things one doesn't take in a carry-on, and certainly not when traveling with colleagues.

I like to walk into a situation fully prepared, able to accomplish My goals and riff easily when I choose. That's often not possible outside home and My local, familiar dungeon.  In these places, I know the equipment and environment, so I know how to plan.  Being a Dominant is far more about MacGyver engineering than I would have guessed at the outset: "I want to hit him with this, there, so how do I affix him to that or that, when I have only this, this, and this to work with?"  Conference dungeons and especially hotel rooms are the epitome of the challenge. When's the last time *you* stayed in a hotel room that had actual legs on the bed, suitable for bondage? Nope. Solid bottoms, solid headboards have become the norm. And then there's the noise.  In a kink conference hotel, whacking and screaming is fine and dandy, but otherwise? That calls for quiet, effective toys and a good gag.  So in the face of the uncertain environment, I want a few key toys that are already extensions of My body, whose behaviour I can predict.

I have something like a pleasant form of performance anxiety before a visit with My special boy. I love the feeling of all cylinders firing, I want the scene to go well, I want to feel that chemistry and have something spark. I want us to connect with Joy in each other, in the ways that only happen with him, and float afterward as long as it will last.  Lather, rinse, repeat, if at all possible. That's a tall order, and I hate to lose time or focus on fixing physics gone awry. It's all on Me as the Dominant to make it a success, and yet, holding on tight doesn't actually work. There has to be room to co-create the scene, I have to allow a flow, I can't get so caught up in the responsibility and technical challenges that I stop being present.  Because it's all about being in the moment, the shared moment, together.

What I can control least is My headspace on the day, and that has everything to do with what play will succeed. Work is crazy of late, and the days running up to our visit will be particularly so.  I will be tired from travel, and I hope that when we finally connect, there will be energy to do more than fall asleep together.  It's OK if that happens, breakfast beatings are a fine way to start the day too.  But I still want our night to be as I envision.

When I started being publicly kinky some time ago, I wanted to Do Things, things that no one in My life was inclined to let Me do.  I wanted to hit people, and initially, didn't care who it was, provided they consented. Now I can hit as many people as I can schedule. and what matters is who.  It's funny that I stopped being vanilla, came out as kinky, became a heavy player, and at some point I got so kinky, I fell off the end of the spectrum and in a way, landed back at vanilla.  It's all about the relationship again.

So I box up the toys and send it to him. The boy says it is safe to use his office address, and I trust him to assess those risks accurately, I also trust him not to open the box. Sure, he is smart enough to possibly get away with it.  But W/we both enjoy the anticipation, and I don't think he would spoil it for Me, spoil it for U/us.  A label eludes us, but an us there certainly is.

There's a package headed  to Me as well, tiny, but powerful.  Here's hoping that all packages reach their destinations and converge as planned.

TSPD